The Mean Bean… the Bean, the Myth, the Legend.
THE MEAN BEAN STORY – AS TOLD BY THE MEAN BEAN HIMSELF…
Mean Bean Roasters has always been a dream of mine. To allow the world to truly be able to design their own quality coffee blends and at a fair price. My name is Mean Bean, and I am the head bully here at Mean Bean Roasters; but it wasn’t always that way. It seems like just yesterday when…fading.. fading..
I was born a poor Colombian bean at a time that plain beans, like myself, where not getting the breaks all the beans are getting now. I had big dreams, but it was always a struggle to get noticed as an individual in the small bag we were forced to sit in. How is a bean supposed to get away from it all, and break free from the man, when he is kept down and told he is good for nothing more than second rate brew. I wanted more, dammit, and I was hell bent on getting free and seeing what life outside the bag was like.
Then one day I peered out of my bag and said to myself “Damn, this is interesting that I can even peer. I never had eyes before!” As if that wasn’t interesting enough, BAM! I sprouted arms and legs, as well as my famous painted on grin. I know, I was amazed as well, but I just thought that it was a sign from a greater coffee power. Obviously, Juan Valdez was telling me that I was meant for huge things. Why else would anyone give a ugly bean like me arms, legs and a goofy grin. I main a promise to myself at that point that I was going to use my new “non-bean” features to make something out of myself and bring joy to an otherwise coffee deprived world.
As I jumped out of the bag, all the other beans were trying to make fun of my “weird” new look, but they didn’t have any mouths, so I just winked at them and told them to shut the f*#k up. I was going to embrace life and experience everything a strapping young bean should. As I hit the street I jumped a bus and headed to Galena, IL and that is where I ran into one of the most exciting men I have ever met; actually the only man I had ever met, but he was exciting. He was all about the Internet and he spoke for hours on how he was able to reach millions of people through the websites that he built.
After I had him explain to me what the hell a website was, and before I started visiting bean porn, an idea struck me like the other beans used to do back in “the bag”… We can start a website and make available to people the blends that they actually WANT. Ones they make themselves. I’m not talking making them grid the coffee, flavor it, mix it, pack it… We’ll do that all for them, but they can Create It, Name It and Label It and I will ship it to them using my little bean hands.
Well, he must have liked that idea, because before I knew it there were a bunch of people drawing me and capturing my spirit with these little image capturing machines. I had hot secretaries dictating all my ideas and I was told that I need to go out an mingle. People wouldn’t take my ideas seriously unless they met me, I was told, so I went out and learned what is means to “shoot a game of pool”, “give her a buck”, say “It wasn’t me, officer” and to shout “Lay him out!!”.. I was living the life every bean dreams about!
I learned quickly and started running quality control and marketing and branding at Mean Bean while my partners took care of operations. Its been a while since I got out rehab, and I have learned a lot of lessons since then. One of the most important being that, if a bean wants real happiness and a quality life, don’t trust that chick at the Purple Pony. She doesn’t really love you. She just said that to lick you for that caffeine rush. <breathe>
Anyway.. We have all come a long way and the important this is that we are very proud of what Mean Bean Roasters has grown into; Quality Coffee with ATTITUDE! A fantastic selection of flavors, all of which you control while constructing your perfect blend. We essentially are your own personal custom coffee blend house to come on in, take your shoes off and have fun. We are glad that you are here.